A Life Changing Experience and a New Identity

     I can't believe how crazy and intense life can be at times.....  But through all of the pain and heartache the world brings,  I have found what life truly means to me.

"I often wonder why these  special  moments  move us in the way they do."-Elder KC Harris-  Why do so many human beings have to experience death and sorrow to understand what life is all about?  Where does the life lessons and mistakes of the past become part of our lives today?  The following is a very personal story of myself and my experience of staring death in the face.  It moves me in a way that I cannot fully understand and I hope and pray that you can find the lessons that I took from it.

     I was attending Davis High School in Kaysville, Utah. I was nearing the end of my 3rd term of the school year. I remember taking lots of tests and being under a lot of pressure to study for each of my exams. Prayer was one of the last things on my mind as I was always busy with school, work, and of course being with friends. I often found myself completely drained and tired at the end of the day. 

The stress of life seemed to build and build until it felt like I couldn't take anymore. On one day I walked into my classroom and waited for class to start. I didn't feel right inside and I started to get queasy. There was a bitter taste in my mouth and I knew I needed to go home and lie down. So I called the school office and went home to get some sleep.

     After a few sick days, my symptoms only got worse. I threw up multiple times a day and I couldn't eat without vomiting later. Over time my throat was so sore that I couldn't even swallow. The pain was so bad that all I could do is lie in bed. I remember experiencing a very painful burning in my chest and just praying that I could stand the pain long enough to fall asleep.

My worried parents took me to see our doctor who admitted me into the hospital. It had been nearly five days since I had gotten sick and we still had no idea what was wrong with me. The doctors had to feed my body through a little tube that stuck into my arm since I couldn't swallow anything. I had never felt so thirsty and hungry in my life!

I remember talking to the doctors about what was wrong with me. They told me I had a severe case of herpes simplex (cold sores) in my esophagus as well as acid reflux and ulcers. In order to help my body fight off the virus they had to give me a chemical that would stop the herpes virus from multiplying. The downside was that the chemical would stop some of my bodies cells from multiplying as well. It was risky, but we trusted in the doctors experience.

My parents and family stayed by my side the whole time I was there. It was a scary thing not knowing if you were going to wake up the next morning. I prayed each day and remember telling God I would accept whatever happened. After my prayers, all of my fears would just drain away. I felt calm and at peace.

     After a few days of the treatment, I started to show signs of improvement. My throat still hurt like nothing I had ever felt before, but I was getting better. It took two weeks before I could start to eat and drink again, which allowed me to finish my recovery at home. I was pale as a ghost and had lost almost 25 pounds.
My parents had later told me how close I really was to dying. If we had waited another day to go to the hospital, my body wouldn't have had the energy to go through the treatment I did. God answered my prayers and the prayers of my family. He was there for me the entire time, I could feel it inside me.  This moment of my life drives me to my knees each day I remember how merciful God was to me and my family.

"And all God asks in return is an open heart and a willing mind..."